I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
it's like iHOP with fire
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
