Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize