would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Vodka?
Forever.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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