You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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