White coat. Heels.
3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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