Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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