well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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