We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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