sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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