please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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