I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
