sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
