Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
