Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
