Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize