I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
