Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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