Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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