whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
