just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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