you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
