Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize