it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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