After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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