So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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