I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My feet surprised me
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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