I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
