I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
