i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
