He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
