I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
