Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
