Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
