You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Four minutes until I can fart!
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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