im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
it hurts more in the daytime
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
