I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
