My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
