The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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