did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
