Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize