I'm jealous of your bromance
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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