she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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