'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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