I accidentally burped into my bong.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize