I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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