mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
