Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
