How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
