you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
