As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I did not marry a roomba.
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