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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....

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• (713): View more from Texas

  I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.

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• (619): View more from California

  I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.

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• (817): View more from Texas

  Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.

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• (712): View more from Iowa

  it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina

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• (716): View more from New York

  I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?

  (949): View more from California

  1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.

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