My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm at about main and main street
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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