I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
