So drunk its hurt
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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