dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
