mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
my poor anus
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
