If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize