so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
