matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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