David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
