Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
