Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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