Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
