quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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