we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize