Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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