He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
