carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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