I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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