Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
