Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
