I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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