I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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