i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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