She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
