pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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