Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
