wrigley field is MILF paradise
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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