my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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