Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
