nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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