Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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