Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
This is my gift to your gina
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize