i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
