I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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