You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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