Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
