well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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