why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
