Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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