Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
