some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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