Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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