True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
